Doodles and Bits

Excerpts from my Life

Notes

dredsina:

Writing an original universe feels like

gathering a bunch of twigs into a heap

until it makes

a bridge

Notes

hindmostsprodigalson:


sistercrow:
{previous comments snipped}
TW: Description of depression and suicide
So, one day you are walking along, minding your own business, when suddenly you trip and fall into this enormously deep pit sitting right in the middle of the path.  No clue how it got there or how you failed to notice it until you had fallen in.  You struggle and try to get out of the pit but the wall are too steep and crumbly and the ground under you is wet and muddy and you make no progress at all to get out.
So there you are.  Sitting at the bottom of a dark pit, miserable, with no foreseeable way out.  And then you hear a voice from above.
“Hey there stranger, you seem to have fallen into a pit, eh?”
“Help!  Help I’m stuck and can’t get out!  Please help!”
“Listen, what you need to do now is buck up and see the good things in life.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, everything is just grand.  Smile!”
And off they go, leaving you in the pit to contemplate how muddy the mud is and how little sunlight actually reaches you, and when you can faintly hear birds signing it is only a reminder of how far down and stuck you are.  Then another voice.
“My good friend, how nice to see you down there!”
“Help!  For the love of god I am stuck!  Help!”
“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go hang at the mall today.  We could catch a movie or something.”
“I’m stuck down here!  I need help!  Get a rope or something, please!”
“Dude, come on.  Don’t be so down all the time.  If you don’t want to come you could just tell me instead of making excuses.  Way to not care about my feelings.”
And off they go.  Shit.  Now you are in a hole and you hurt your friend’s feelings and you kinda did want to go to the mall.  And the mud is really cold.  Your feet are starting to sink in and you start spending a lot of energy just to keep from sinking in so far they you can’t move anymore.  It is exhausting.  But then a voice that you know so well.
“Hey love!  How are you today?  I bought your favorite food for supper tonight <3”
“Oh thank god!  Help please!  I fell down here and can’t get out and I am sinking into the mud and I’m so scared that I might sink too far in and never be able to get out!”
“You know, you don’t have to get upset with me.”
“I’m not!  I just need help.  I love you.”
“Well you certainly have a funny way of showing, moping about down there in that hole.  If you really loved me maybe you would climb out so we can go home.”
“I’ve tried!  Really I have.  The walls are too steep.  I can’t do it.  I need a ladder or something.  Call the fire department!”
“Ugh.  You aren’t the only one with problems, you know.  Just earlier today I stumble in a small dip in the sidewalk and stepped in a shallow puddle but you don’t see me using it as an excuse to be all self centered.  You know what, fine.  I’ll just go home and eat by myself.  I hope you enjoy your little pity party down there.”
And off they go.
You are desperate and alone even though you can hear and even occasionally see people walking past the opening of the hole.  You call out over and over but nobody seems to care or notice.  And those that do give you trite little nothings.
“You should have waited till you were older to fall into a hole.  Why didn’t you think before you fell in?”
“Kids these days, leaping into holes without any consideration for the rest of us.  Grow up already.”
“You know, if I was in a hole, I would have a grand time of it.  No rules or concerns to hold me back.  I would make mud pies all day long.  You are in such a great position.”
“Cheer up!  If you smiled more and had some fun you would be out of that hole in no time!”
“Stop crying so much.  You’re making the rest of us feel bad.”
At some point somebody hears you and actually listens as you cry for help.  They run off and return later with a large crowd of strangers who stand around the rim of your hole shouting down more pointless little nothings and encouraging you.  More than a few say things like “think about your family! Being stuck in a hole is so selfish when there are so many people who love you!”
And eventually they all clear out and you are still in the hole and the sun is setting and it genuinely feel likes there is no hope at all.
The end.  No, this story doesn’t have a happy ending.  It doesn’t have a cheerful humorous joke to sum up the moral.  You sit in the hole until you get tired of trying.  You stop calling for help.  You let yourself sink into the mud up to your knees and waist and chest.  Your friends stop coming by.  Your partner leaves you because it is too much trouble putting up with you.  Your family stops by to admonish you for being down there and embarrassing them so much.  And someday you do the only thing that would end your existence in the hole and pile the mud up over your face and suffocate, because as scary and awful as death is, it seems to be a better option than living the rest of your life miserable and cold and in pain stuck at the bottom of a hole unable to enjoy anything or feel anything.  And that is the end of my little story.

I’ve been there. It even hurts reading this a little even though I’ve since overcome that pit. I feel this is really important for people to read especially if they’ve never been through depression themselves. Its really hard to understand and I think this is a wonderful way of helping translate just how hard it is to be in this position.

I don’t usually tear up over stuff I find here, but this just makes me ache.

hindmostsprodigalson:

sistercrow:

{previous comments snipped}

TW: Description of depression and suicide

So, one day you are walking along, minding your own business, when suddenly you trip and fall into this enormously deep pit sitting right in the middle of the path.  No clue how it got there or how you failed to notice it until you had fallen in.  You struggle and try to get out of the pit but the wall are too steep and crumbly and the ground under you is wet and muddy and you make no progress at all to get out.

So there you are.  Sitting at the bottom of a dark pit, miserable, with no foreseeable way out.  And then you hear a voice from above.

“Hey there stranger, you seem to have fallen into a pit, eh?”

“Help!  Help I’m stuck and can’t get out!  Please help!”

“Listen, what you need to do now is buck up and see the good things in life.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, everything is just grand.  Smile!”

And off they go, leaving you in the pit to contemplate how muddy the mud is and how little sunlight actually reaches you, and when you can faintly hear birds signing it is only a reminder of how far down and stuck you are.  Then another voice.

“My good friend, how nice to see you down there!”

“Help!  For the love of god I am stuck!  Help!”

“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go hang at the mall today.  We could catch a movie or something.”

“I’m stuck down here!  I need help!  Get a rope or something, please!”

“Dude, come on.  Don’t be so down all the time.  If you don’t want to come you could just tell me instead of making excuses.  Way to not care about my feelings.”

And off they go.  Shit.  Now you are in a hole and you hurt your friend’s feelings and you kinda did want to go to the mall.  And the mud is really cold.  Your feet are starting to sink in and you start spending a lot of energy just to keep from sinking in so far they you can’t move anymore.  It is exhausting.  But then a voice that you know so well.

“Hey love!  How are you today?  I bought your favorite food for supper tonight <3”

“Oh thank god!  Help please!  I fell down here and can’t get out and I am sinking into the mud and I’m so scared that I might sink too far in and never be able to get out!”

“You know, you don’t have to get upset with me.”

“I’m not!  I just need help.  I love you.”

“Well you certainly have a funny way of showing, moping about down there in that hole.  If you really loved me maybe you would climb out so we can go home.”

“I’ve tried!  Really I have.  The walls are too steep.  I can’t do it.  I need a ladder or something.  Call the fire department!”

“Ugh.  You aren’t the only one with problems, you know.  Just earlier today I stumble in a small dip in the sidewalk and stepped in a shallow puddle but you don’t see me using it as an excuse to be all self centered.  You know what, fine.  I’ll just go home and eat by myself.  I hope you enjoy your little pity party down there.”

And off they go.

You are desperate and alone even though you can hear and even occasionally see people walking past the opening of the hole.  You call out over and over but nobody seems to care or notice.  And those that do give you trite little nothings.

“You should have waited till you were older to fall into a hole.  Why didn’t you think before you fell in?”

“Kids these days, leaping into holes without any consideration for the rest of us.  Grow up already.”

“You know, if I was in a hole, I would have a grand time of it.  No rules or concerns to hold me back.  I would make mud pies all day long.  You are in such a great position.”

“Cheer up!  If you smiled more and had some fun you would be out of that hole in no time!”

“Stop crying so much.  You’re making the rest of us feel bad.”

At some point somebody hears you and actually listens as you cry for help.  They run off and return later with a large crowd of strangers who stand around the rim of your hole shouting down more pointless little nothings and encouraging you.  More than a few say things like “think about your family! Being stuck in a hole is so selfish when there are so many people who love you!”

And eventually they all clear out and you are still in the hole and the sun is setting and it genuinely feel likes there is no hope at all.

The end.  No, this story doesn’t have a happy ending.  It doesn’t have a cheerful humorous joke to sum up the moral.  You sit in the hole until you get tired of trying.  You stop calling for help.  You let yourself sink into the mud up to your knees and waist and chest.  Your friends stop coming by.  Your partner leaves you because it is too much trouble putting up with you.  Your family stops by to admonish you for being down there and embarrassing them so much.  And someday you do the only thing that would end your existence in the hole and pile the mud up over your face and suffocate, because as scary and awful as death is, it seems to be a better option than living the rest of your life miserable and cold and in pain stuck at the bottom of a hole unable to enjoy anything or feel anything.  And that is the end of my little story.

I’ve been there. It even hurts reading this a little even though I’ve since overcome that pit. I feel this is really important for people to read especially if they’ve never been through depression themselves. Its really hard to understand and I think this is a wonderful way of helping translate just how hard it is to be in this position.

I don’t usually tear up over stuff I find here, but this just makes me ache.

(Source: the-unpopular-opinions)

Notes

sammiekuuipo:

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.When the class began, wordlessly,He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jarAnd proceeded to fill it with golf balls.He then asked the students, if the jar was full.They agreed that it was.The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and pouredthem into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else.He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectivelyfilling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.The golf balls are the important things - family,children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions – Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.The sand is everything else —The small stuff.‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.The same goes for life.If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,You will never have room for the things that are important to you.So…Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.Play With your children.Take time to get medical checkups.Take your partner out to dinner.There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.‘Take care of the golf balls first —The things that really matter.Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.The professor smiled‘I’m glad you asked’.It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,There’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

sammiekuuipo:

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,

When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class 
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else —The small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So…

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

‘Take care of the golf balls first —
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled
‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
There’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

(via sevenworldscollide)

Notes

IM SORRY

I have been reblogging useless things instead of formatting and posting RPs. I FEEL TERRIBLE. But if you want more art and things, go to my Nabyn. It is http://silvariakiralv.nabyn.com/ and is much more epic than my dA. WOoooo!

(I also have an invite. If anyone is interested.)

Notes

So me.

have you ever fallen in love with a song and put it on repeat for 8 days straight and literally bathed in it and memorized every word and breath and drum beat and guitar string and just married it because wow perfect and then overplayed it and got bored of it but still had a special place in your heart for it

because i have

(Source: hidddleston, via daggerleonelli)

Notes

kokocachoo:

religiousragings:

fs35s:

How does this even make sense? There’s more evidence for these wavelengths we can’t see than for your ‘god’, pretty sure most atheists believe in the evidence not what we can or cannot see. I can’t see my bones but I know they are there due to X-Rays which is a form of energy which we cannot see. Things we can’t see helping us see other things we can’t see.

Sooo…I guess I don’t believe in x-rays then.  I’m learning new stuff about myself all the time.  O.o

lol, I believe it’s the agnostics that have the “if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” mindframe.

Not necessarily&#8230; I was under the impression that Agnostics believe there is something, but are unwilling to commit a name to it&#8230;?

kokocachoo:

religiousragings:

fs35s:

How does this even make sense? There’s more evidence for these wavelengths we can’t see than for your ‘god’, pretty sure most atheists believe in the evidence not what we can or cannot see. I can’t see my bones but I know they are there due to X-Rays which is a form of energy which we cannot see. Things we can’t see helping us see other things we can’t see.

Sooo…I guess I don’t believe in x-rays then.  I’m learning new stuff about myself all the time.  O.o

lol, I believe it’s the agnostics that have the “if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” mindframe.

Not necessarily… I was under the impression that Agnostics believe there is something, but are unwilling to commit a name to it…?

Notes

OMG AN UPDATE.
Yeah, I&#8217;m a slacker. No RP logs because I just don&#8217;t have the time to edit them anymore. Rest assured, if I ever make this into a comic, you all will know.
More of you who actually follow me will probably be glad for the non-rp posts, cuz not huge walls of text, but ah well :)
Anyway, this is Chislev, or Chislev&#8217;s head. She&#8217;s the Goddess and Mother of Nature in the Dragonlance pantheon. I&#8217;m painting her for our MUD&#8217;s Wiki, because there aren&#8217;t many images of her out there. I&#8217;ll also be painting her husband, Zivilyn, who is the Tree of Life and Wisdom.
Critique is more than welcome! I&#8217;m aware of her chin and I think her eyes look a little owlish, myself&#8230;

OMG AN UPDATE.

Yeah, I’m a slacker. No RP logs because I just don’t have the time to edit them anymore. Rest assured, if I ever make this into a comic, you all will know.

More of you who actually follow me will probably be glad for the non-rp posts, cuz not huge walls of text, but ah well :)

Anyway, this is Chislev, or Chislev’s head. She’s the Goddess and Mother of Nature in the Dragonlance pantheon. I’m painting her for our MUD’s Wiki, because there aren’t many images of her out there. I’ll also be painting her husband, Zivilyn, who is the Tree of Life and Wisdom.

Critique is more than welcome! I’m aware of her chin and I think her eyes look a little owlish, myself…